Dear Parvati
by Gambitized
Summary: A collection of letters Padma sends to her sister after the battle of Hogwarts. Warning: tears, tragedy and possible bad writing ahead.
1. May 17 1998

Dear Parvati,

It has been a week since your funeral. I still miss you terribly. I wake up in the middle of the night and wander into your room. It stands so quiet. I can see the stars out of your window.

I know this sounds so childish, but I don't know what to say. I wanted to tell you how much I missed you, how much I love you, but I didn't know where I should send the letter. At least now I can take it to your grave.

I'm sorry; I had to take a break after I reread the last sentence. It just hurts so much. Out of all the people who I lost that night, you are the one who I miss the most. It hurts when I seem my face in the mirror and for a moment a think it's you, looking at me again.

Sometimes, I can handle the pain. I wander around our house and think only of trying to help our parents get through this. At other times though, all I can do is curl up on your bed and cry myself to sleep.

I miss you doesn't seem to cover it. I miss everything about you. I miss the way you talk. It was so different from mine, more excited. I miss your hair, and I miss your face. I know that last part's just silly, since all I have to do is look in a mirror and there you are, eyes red from crying, but every detail of you placed in front of me.

The thing I miss the most though, is the talks we had. Not during school, but over the summer. No one was there to interrupt us and we would talk about every subject for hours on end, completely at home with each other.

Right now I don't have anyone to talk too. Our parents are not doing very well, and who else is there to talk too about my sister? I was never like you; I never had a best friend like you did. I had you, and that was enough. Now you're gone. I think that's why I'm sending you this letter. I just need someone to talk to like we used to be able to do.

With deepest love,

Padma


	2. June 15 1998

Dear Parvati,

I visited you grave last night for the first time. Other than the funeral I mean. I had to sneak out, since our parents want to keep me close. It was at night, sometime in the early morning hours. I sat down next to you and read the letter I wrote last time.

I feel so lost without you. The world feels like it has been turned upside down. I guess that the world would be a crazy place anyway, with all the rebuilding and celebrations going on.

Celebrations! When I went out last night, I could still hear the partying going on. They just didn't seem to care that I was passing by. It made me mad, but at the same time sad. You were always the outgoing one. I just liked to stay inside with a few friends, but you always wanted to go have an adventure.

Your bedroom looks just the same. Almost the same, but without you it's missing something. Mom still dusts it, but it still feels forlorn without you.

It's been over two months since you left me. People told me that the pain would go away, that life would return to normal, but it hasn't. Most of the times I don't cry, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I am having a hard time dealing with it. My world has gone to pieces. I don't know what to do. You're the only one I have told about this. No one else quite understands. They don't know how it feels. I don't have anyone to talk too. Our parents have started doing more than just sitting on the couch, but they still seem so lost. I wish that i could help them, but I don't know how.

I wish that you were here to talk to. I could handle anything that the world threw at me if only you could be here to help me.

Still missing you,

Padma


	3. July 31 1998

Dear Parvati,

I wish that you were here. The summer's already going by so very fast.

The summer was always when we could hang out, and just enjoy each other's company. It's just plain weird, and more than a little painful not to have you around.

I wish that you were here to help me. I'm trying to write a letter to you, and it's taking forever. I don't know what to say to you. I've never had this problem before. I'm sitting over this letter for ages, but the words just don't want to come down to this quill.

Considering just how short these letters are, the take much too long to write. Mom found my first letter when she was cleaning my room and is worried about me. She wants me to stop writing to you. I can't stop. It's my only lifeline to you. Already it's much too hard to picture the way that you were.

I wish that I could see you just one more time. That I could say a real could goodbye. I want to hold you, and tell you how much a miss you. Even if it was just for one hour, it would be worth it.

I wish that you could be here to help me make some difficult decisions. I've been invited back to Hogwarts for an 8th year. Part of me feels special, after all, how many people can say they went to Hogwarts for eight years?

I don't know if I can stand to go back there. That was the place where I saw too much death. That was the place that I saw you for the last time. I wish that you were here to reassure me, to tell me that I should go, or that there's no point. You would tell me that I'm so smart that I didn't have to go back there.

But you're not here. Every time I think of you, I wish you were here. But you're not. So I'm going to have to make this decision own my own, the first decision that I have had to make without you.

Missing you more than I can ever say,

Padma


	4. August 16 1998

Dear Parvati,

I've decided that I'm going back.

Without you, I've been feeling alone, and I haven't been out of the house for over a month, since I last visited your grave. I need to be around other people, and I think that I'm finally ready for it.

The very thought of going back to the castle without you almost drowns me in grief. I try not to cry, telling myself that it has been over three months now, and that it doesn't hurt, but the last part is a lie; it hurts every time I think about you. I can't describe the pain. I've been tortured before, but this is much worse.

Our parents aren't too happy with me going back. I think that they were expecting me to stay, but I have to go. I hope that this will be the push they need to get back to their lives, and to realize that they have to go on living to.

The rest of the D.A. is doing well. I saw Seamus over by Lavender's grave, and we talked for a bit, the first human contact I've had outside our family. Most are trying to move on with their lives, but are few are really suffering. I can only hope that they recover.

I'm sorry this letter is so short, but there isn't a lot for me to say. A part of me is scared to go back of the place were so much happened, but another part of me is excited to go back too.

Excited isn't an emotion I've felt much, and it remind me of you. You were always excited at something or other.

Even thinking of that made me tear up. I don't know when I'll be able to move on with my life, but I'm hopeful that this is a first step.

With deepest affection,

Padma


	5. September 6 1998

Dear Parvati,

The weekend's finally here, and I have finally found a time to sit down and write this letter to you. I don't know when I'll be able to read this to you, but I hope that it will be at least over winter break.

The first day was the hardest to face without you. Every moment reminded me of you, from the Hogwarts express, to the great hall. If I hadn't been surrounded by people, I probably would have broken down.

The following days were easier. A number of D.A. members are still here, and we talk when we can. It's amazing the feeling of talking to someone else does. It draws me out, and I can hear news, and how people are doing. It's liberating.

It wasn't until the third night that I managed to make it to the spot where you died. I hate writing those words. They are so final, and heart wrenching at the same time. The spot was empty, and I broke down for the first time. Not just crying, but an actual breakdown. I sat there for hours and just stared at the spot where you had laid.

I think I had to see that. It was the final proof that you really were gone. Not that I didn't know before of course, but his seemed to make it much more final.

After that, I wouldn't say things got easier for me, but I could manage it better. You always supported me, and I know that you wouldn't feel jealous of me for going back when you can't. For the time being, the grief has faded a little bit. Before I could hide it, but it was still there. Now it's faded a little bit, and for the first time I feel like life could be like it was before.

Not the exact same, but for the first time I think that I can live in this world without you. The pain's still there, but it's decided to rest.

With much love, now and forever,

Padma


	6. February 24 1999

Dear Parvati,

I snuck out to visit your grave today. It wasn't hard, I mean, it was a hogsmeade weekend. All I did was head out past Hogwarts, and walk to your grave.

I just didn't want to be without you today. You would have been 19 today. And I am 19 today. I guess that I'm finally the older one. It never mattered before. We were always just the same age. Now were not. You never got the chance to be 19.

We always used to give each other presents. Just small presents, nothing too big. But we would always give them to each other by ourselves, so no one would know. I don't even know why we did that. It seems kind of funny now.

Most days I can handle with you not being here. I mean, it hurts when I think of you, when I see your face in the mirror, but most of the time I can accept that you're not here anymore, that you can never talk to me again.

Today though, I can't handle it. I miss you more than ever. I've never felt so alone, not even when I first lost you. Then I felt lost, and grief. I don't feel so lost now. But I've never felt lonelier in my life.

I miss you really badly. Today has been the hardest day since you left. Every year this was the one day that we would spend together. We would skip class, if there was any. We would wander around the castle, avoiding teachers. Sometimes if we didn't want to do that we would wander around the grounds.

This was the one day that we would spend together during school. We would forget about schoolwork. We would just enjoy each other's company.

That's why I'm visiting you now. It's not the same, but it's as close as I'm going to get. Today I stayed with you. For one more day, we were Parvati and Padma again.

Missing you,

Padma


	7. may 2 1999

Dear Parvati,

Today was the day you died.

OK, that's not really true. Today was the same day that you died a year ago. That might be more accurate.

It's weird to think that you've been gone a whole year. I still miss you, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did. I don't feel as lost as I did.

Life has kept moving. Today, everyone is celebrating. It's the Anniversary of the battle of Hogwarts. The world started to return to normal on this day last year. The Carrows were sent to Azkaban. The Death Eaters started standing trial. The world stopped living in fear. The world started to return to normal.

My world started to fall apart that day. Before that my world hadn't been so great, with the weekly torture of students and all, but I could handle it. After you died though, the first couple of weeks were awful. It wasn't until I wrote my first letter to you that I felt a little better.

Now though, my world feels like it has started to return to normal. It's not normal yet, but it's getting there. Schools going well and I even laughed yesterday. I saw our parents over Easter break. They are doing well. Their jobs are back to normal, and they were planning a holiday to India for May.

I can hear students partying downstairs in the common room even though it's nearly midnight. The whole school has been rowdy, excited and happy that their school is back the way it's supposed to be. Even the teachers have been much more relaxed and after dinner I could see people celebrating in Hogsmeade.

Not all the students are like that though. All the D.A. that's still at school went to the Room of Requirement after dinner, though we didn't have a party. Instead we just sat there and talked about everyone we lost. You, Lavender, Colin, Lisa, we talked about all of them. It's nice to know that not everyone forgets about the price we paid to end You-Know-who.

Since I'm out of paper, I better finish this up. With Love,

Padma


	8. July 17 1999

Dear Parvati,

I finished my last year at Hogwarts. There was a nice little ceremony at the end, you would have loved it. We stayed late after everyone else went on to bed, and then had what pretty much was a party. The next day we left the castle by the very same boats that took us to Hogwarts in the first place.

It feels strange to leave Hogwarts for the last time. I had pictured leaving of course. Much of last year I spent lot of time looking forward to it. I had always picture leaving it with you though, in the same boat that we came in, naturally.

I got N.E.W.T results back a few days ago. They weren't quite up to Hermione's standards, but I thought they were quite good. Out parents were proud too, and I think that you would have been too. You were always proud of me when I did well. That's one of the things that I admired about you. Whenever someone (you!) did better than me, I got miffed. But whenever I did better than me, you would be proud of me. That always amazed me that you could do that, that you were never jealous of my grades, when yours weren't usually as good.

I got my first job today. It's at a little book store in Diagon alley. Not flourish and Blotts, but a good place for a first job. I don't think I'll stay there, but it's good to keep busy, and it's really neat to look at all the old books that they have in the back.

I know it's silly, but for some reason, when I was younger, I thought that when we grew up, we would work together. When I got older I thought that we would work close to each other. Now that I'm grown up it ends up that I'm working nowhere near you. It's funny how that works out don't you think?

Thanks for listening; it really helps me clear my head. Sorry for not writing sooner.

Thinking of you,

Padma


	9. October 14 1999

Dear Parvati,

Working in the store has been keeping me really busy. That's why I haven't written any letters in a few months. The store isn't Hogwarts, but its comfortable enough. There are so many books that I've never seen before; it's been fascinating. Not just textbooks either; I read some books that I'm sure that you would have loved.

It's not just the books though, it's also the people. We get a lot of collectors looking for old books, and several Hogwarts students have come in for second hand books. The store has been doing so well that it has even hired a few more people. It's still not that big, and the location is a little out of the way, put more people have heard of us.

The big thing that made me write isn't the books, or the people. Well, it is the people or rather, when person in particular. There's this boy who started working on the same shift as me about a month ago. His name's Mark, and he's only a little older then I am. He's also rather cute. He also asked me out.

I was rather shocked, and I didn't say anything. I didn't really have many dates at Hogwarts. You did though, and I really want to talk to you about him. I can't talk to you, but I can imagine what you would say. You say "what are you waiting for, he's cute, and you should have so fun!" and I would stall for time, and then you would convince me to go on a date with him, the way that you did with me and Terry.

But at the same time, I feel like I'm betraying you somehow. I know that you would want me to be happy, but I feel guilty that you will never get that chance. You will never have the chance to experience life after Hogwarts. You'll never get a job, and I feel guilty about that. I don't know why I feel guilty, but I do. It's stupid, I know, but I can't help but feel that way.

I feel sad that I'll never be able to go to your wedding, and that you'll never be at my wedding. I know you would laugh at that, and say that that's too far in the future, but it looks a lot close from this side of Hogwarts.

I think that I'm going to say yes to Mark. It's what you would urge me to do, and I like him. He has a good since of humor, a little like Ron's was during the D.A. meetings, but nicer.

There's just so much to say to say these days. I've never written this much to you before, but there is more to say then before. I feel like I'm moving farther away from you than I ever have before. I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you.

With love,

Padma


	10. January 1 2000

Dear Parvati, January 1 2000

It's the New Year. The first day of a new millennia. That was exciting I guess, but it just felt like another day to me. But I guess that a new millennia doesn't happen every year, so I did celebrate, even if it was just a little bit.

Our parents held a party for our friends and family at our house, so it was rather crowded. You know me, I don't really like crowds, and it wasn't until after one in the morning that I managed to escape upstairs. I'll talk with our cousins in the morning, when it's less noisy, and I wouldn't mind not seeing some of our more distant relatives at all.

I suppose that you want to know how Me and Mark worked out? Well, we dated for a month, but in the end we decided that it couldn't work out and ended it. I guess that most 19 year old girls would be sad if there boyfriend broke up with them, but compared to losing you, it doesn't seem very sad.

I'm writing this in your room. Mine has a few of those said cousins sleeping in it, and I didn't want to keep them awake. Mom wouldn't let anyone sleep in your room. She didn't say why, but I know: as long as your room's here she can pretend like you never left when she sees it.

Your room is exactly like you left it. The bed's still in red sheets and the shelves are still full of your things. I can still see the old bear I got you when we were only five years old, and even it looks exactly the same.

The room might look the same, but it's different. Everything is where should be, and mom has kept it clean. But at the same time, it's not the same room. It's missing your smell. When I walk in, it doesn't smell like you, or any of the perfume that you wore, it just smells empty.

I can still hear movement downstairs. It's probably just mom and dad cleaning up, or maybe it's just them talking. I know that they still worry about me, and that they still miss you. They were much worse when you first left though, now it's clear that they miss you, but it's no longer paralyzing them.

This was the first time that I had seen a lot of our relatives for several years, and they all said that the missed you. I doubt that they can miss you as much as I do, but the thought was still nice.

Love,

Padma


	11. February 24 2000

Dear Parvati,

It's our birthday again. The last year has passed by ridiculously fast. One moment I'm writing a letter to you from my dormitory room, the next from my desk at home. One moment I'm in school, the next I have a job. It's already been nearly two years since you left. Where does the time go?

I spent the day with you again. Not at your grave like I did last time, but I took the day off work and spent the day wandering around we used to play. Not just the back yard, but also the forest where we camped every few years. I can remember every time: Once when we were 7, then when we 11, and then one last time when we were 15. It still looks as it did, lonely and beautiful.

Then there was that time when we went to the beach when we were 8. There where the hills around it that we climbed, and we spent all day chasing the waves. Do you know someone's built a house on the hill? Someone with a baby too, I could hear the baby screaming even from where I stood.

The places are still beautiful, but there also painful reminders that I once had you to share the beauty with. I glad that I spent the day doing it though, even if it did hurt. It was like spending another few hours in your company again.

I think that I'm going to get my own place soon. I mean, I am 20, and I can't live with our parents forever. I need my own place. I'm ready to move out on my own. I'm going to miss seeing my parents every day, but I can still visit them, and I write to them too. I know that I'm not really even moving that far away, but it still makes me feel sad.

I'm seeing another boy, but I don't think that it's going to last long either. I would be surprised if it lasts another week. Still, I guess that it was fun while it lasted.

There isn't too much too say this time, but I'll write again soon.

Miss you,

Padma.


	12. May 2 2000

Dear Parvati,

It's been two years to the day that you died. Everyone else is celebrating like they did last year. Even I have been invited to several parties, and I'm not exactly well known. I didn't go to any, of course. It just feels so wrong to go to a party on the day that we lost so many people.

Instead, I went to visit your grave. I was hardly the only one. Almost all of the D.A. showed up at the graves where you and everyone else who died are laid. It wasn't really a party, but we were all there. No ceremony, no party, no celebrations, it was Just a group of old friends saying goodbye to their loved ones who can't be there. It sad to see that there are more graves then there are people here. Not all the D.A. made it out of the castle alive, but all the people who died there are here, in this small grave yard.

I don't think that I've ever described the graveyard that you're in have I? It seemed silly too, since you spend more time in there then I do. But you've never seen it with your own eyes.

It's on a mountainside. Right now it's snowy up there, but it's only a little snow, just enough to make it beautiful. You can see Hogwarts from here too. It's standing just like it always has, big and forbidding, but reassuring too.

It's a small graveyard. Just enough room for almost every who died to be laid. Not every was laid here of course, some were buried elsewhere. There is some space left for the rest of us when we die too, if we want to be buried here. I've already planned my grave, right next to where yours is. It just seems right, you know?

Getting to the graveyard takes an hour or two if you take the path from Hogsmeade. It's just close so that people still visit, but far enough so it's always quiet.

I remember the first days after the battle. It hurt so much to think of you, but I was afraid that if I didn't think of you, I would lose you. It still hurts little even now, but especially today. I always remember you though, no matter how much it hurts on days like this.

Missing you always,

Padma


	13. July 12 2000

Dear Parvati,

These letters are getting easier to write every time I write them. When I first started them, they were about how much I missed you. Now there are about what's new in my life.

First off, I got a new job. It's much more active than the bookshop, and also a lot bigger. I work in the back room at a charmer. It really neat, trying to charm objects to behavior correctly. The first time I tried to charm a snitch, it went wrong and starting hiding from every one instead. It took us a whole week to find it hiding in the boss's desk.

The people there are really nice. When I lost the snitch, they just laughed it off, reassuring me that things like this always happen, and not to worry too much. I rather thought that some of them thought I had made the snitch hide on purpose.

Second, I got my own place. It's in London, but it's off the beaten track. It's not big, but just about right size for one person. It's just an old apartment building, but I'm near the top. The neighbors aren't too bad, but they sometimes can be a little noisy. The view's alright during the day, but during night it's stunning. It's not quite the view from the Ravenclaw common room, but in a way, it's just as good.

I wish that I could say about the actual room was as nice, but I'll get what I can take. It's dingy, but a few spells made it look much nicer, and after a few days, the smell even disappeared.

It's weird to be living without parents, but I try to eat dinner with them at least once week. I know that it was hard for them when I moved out, but they understand. It's funny, but I almost talk to them more that I'm not living in the house.

I didn't realize until I moved in how little stuff I actually had. When you go to a school and can only take one trunk, I guess you get used to not needing a lot of things. When I moved in I only took my trunk, a few books, and a few pictures.

It's amazing how having a few pictures around makes a place yours. One moment, it looks like the room could belong to anyone, and as soon as the pictures go up, it belongs to me. I only have five right now, but I'll get more. I think you can guess which pictures I took

The first one is a picture of our parents. It's a happy one, taken when they first got married.

The second one is the picture taken with the D.A., when we were in the fifth year. There we all are, looking extremely young, waving happily. You can still see us laughing at Colin as he races to try and get in the picture in time.

The third picture is of the Ravenclaws in my year. It's taken in our sixth year. Were all smiling happily, the picture being taken during one of the few times when we had time to relax. We had played card games in the common room in the evening, and it was one of the few times that I felt close to them.

The fourth is a much more serious picture. It's the one taken of the D.A. in our seventh year. We are all standing there again, but we are all looking much older, and much more battered then last time. It was taken halfway through the year, right before Luna left. You can see the tiredness in every face, but there is also a pleased, if grim, look in every eye.

The fith photo is the smallest, but also the most special. It's taken the summer before we started our seventh year. The picture is of just you and me, two girls looking exactly the same, smiling happily.

I have one last picture, but I don't hang it up. It stays safe in a carefully concealed container. Ok, it's under my bed, but still, carefully concealed. It's a picture of just you. It's one that I took when you didn't notice. It shows you opening summoning a patronus for the first time behind our house. You're laughing, and your face is just so happy.

I miss you Parvati, more than I can say. When I think of you, it doesn't hurt like it used to, but it's still bittersweet. I'm sorry that you're not here with me, enjoying yourself. I don't blame myself, since I know you wouldn't want that, but sometimes I wish that I could.

Wishing that you were here,

Your sister


	14. October 16 2000

Dear Parvati,

I've been working at the charmers for several months now, and I've started to get to know the people who work with me. There're nice people, and I want to be friends with them. It's different from the bookshop. At the bookshop, we all kept to ourselves. When business was slow we would just grab book and plop down somewhere to read. Here, when were not busy, we talk and joke. They've even started to teach me a game involving shooting rings of smoke from our wands through each other. It's ridiculously complicated, but I'm starting to get the rules straight.

I know that you'll never meet these people, so I thought that I would describe them to you. There people who I think that you would have liked to be friends with too. I really like these people Parvati. The people at the bookshop were nice, but I wasn't ready to have friends so soon after losing you. I was too afraid that they were somehow going to die.

That's part of the reason why I broke up with Mark, I was afraid that he would just drop out of my life like you did. Eventually, he did, because I was too afraid. I'm still scared, but this time, I know that I'm ready to face what challenges friends will bring. Well, there's always the D.A., but that's different. I'm ready to face the challenges _new_ friends will bring.

At some point when I started writing this letter, I said I was going to introduce you. I might have gotten a little side tracked, but here they are now.

Erin loves to laugh. Whenever someone's laughing, it's her. She's incredibly carefree, not a worry in the world. She's never lost anyone, and it shows. She's not naïve though; she's just too happy to worry. Even if someone she knew died, she still would manage to be happy.

Rick is the sarcastic one. He doesn't talk a whole lot, and laughs less, but when he does talk, it's often very snide. It's all good natured though, you can tell he doesn't mean it. He doesn't crack a smile very often, but when he does it's always when someone has gotten the better of him.

Grace is awfully sarcastic as well. Conversations are often dominated by her and Rick trying be more sarcastic then each other. It's always fun to hear it, and you can tell that it's always friendly, and they are just messing with each other.

Liam is the cheerful, hardworking one. Whenever it's time to work, he always steps up to do the hardest one with a smile on his face. He's honest, but never in a blunt way. But when there's no work, he's always the first one to start up a game.

Alex is the odd guy. He's strange, a little like a puppy, if a puppy was huge and tried to get attention by talking in a different language and dancing. He's strange, but he's so earnest, it's doesn't come across as weird until you think about it.

That's the group I work with. There are more in the shop of course, but I don't spend too much time with them. Mostly I just work with this one group, and have fun when I can. Sometimes we even go out to eat together. Crazy, huh?

And I still keep in touch with some of the Ravenclaws from my year too. Just last week I bumped into Mandy, and we talked over lunch about how we were doing. It's not the same as having you to talk to, but it's something.

It's amazing how much difference two years makes. This time two years ago I was still reeling from the war. Now I have friends again. I go out, and I can laugh freely. I can think of you and the pain doesn't kill me. I guess time can heal wounds, though I doubt the wound you've left me with will ever fully heal.

I better get to sleep before it gets too late. Sorry for these letters always being sad. I'll try and make the next one happier.

With love,

Padma


	15. February 24 2001

Dear Parvati,

It's been three years since you last had a birthday. Where has the time gone? Three years, and already the world looks like it did, like the war never happened.

I know that the people haven't moved on. The might have rebuilt everything, replaced all the dark shops in Diagon alley, torn down Azkaban, but you can tell that people haven't forgotten what terror they faced just a few years ago.

It's the kids that have moved on. There's no sign of fear on their faces, no worry lines etched onto their faces by loved ones. For everyone else though, three years hasn't been long enough to forget the fear and pain that was their world for a year or two.

Three years hasn't been enough for them to forget the dead. I know that in a few years though, the dead will be almost forgotten, mourned only by those people who knew them. But right now, the grave yards are still full of them. When I visited your grave today, the graveyard had several students who where their paying their respects to dead. I doubt that they even knew anyone in the graveyard, but they still came anyway.

I always miss you the most on our birthday. I can't help but think of you when this day comes around. I spent most of the day at our parents' house, looking through old photos of us. In the oldest ones, the ones where we were younger, I can't even tell us apart. The older ones are much easier, once we started wearing different clothes then each other.

I never realized how hard this day was for our parents too. I was always so caught up in my own grief that I never thought about them, that I was depriving them of their only other daughter on the day when they needed her the most.

One the bright side of today, a lot of people sent me letters, so I know that I'm not forgotten. Honestly, today feels like the first birthday I've had since the war. It was still sad, but it was more of a happy sad.

That doesn't make sense, but oh well, it's not like anyone else is going to read these letter, right?

Love,

Padma


	16. June 19 2001

Dear Parvati, June 19, 2001

I spent a weekend with my friends. One whole weekend; it made for a nice change. Most weekends I just stay in, read a good book, or catch up with the newest charms. Sometimes I go out to eat with some friends, but this was different. This was a whole weekend just spent in their company without a way to leave.

It was really fun. We played games, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was strange to just have fun, to not worry about anything.

I really needed the break. I didn't realize how much strain I had put on myself until I just let go of it for one weekend. I had been having fun, sure, but I also have been trying to learn how to handle living by myself, while learning all those household spells, all the while I'm worried about our parents still.

Liam asked me for a date at the end. It was a bit of a surprise, but I said yes. I've dated quite a few boys, but none of them have really lasted very long. Maybe this time will be different, who knows?

There's not really much news in this one, but I thought that you would want to know that I am having fun, since you were always begging me to relax more.

Wishing that you were here,

Padma


	17. September 12 2001

Dear Parvati,

It's only been 3 months since my last letter, but it feels much longer. I've been busy of course, but even so, it doesn't feel like a lot has happened. It just feels like more of the same old things happening. My life has happily boring again, no more excitement compared the last couple of years. At least, not as much excitement, though there still is some; after all, a girl still needs some excitement.

I've been dating Liam ever since we went on our first date a little after my last letter. It's been three months, far longer than I've dated anyone before. So far it's working out well, and I hope that we can keep it that way. I think that things can really work out between the two of us; I have a good feeling about this guy.

The first books about the war are starting to come out. The _Prophet _ran some articles a little bit after the war of course, but I wasn't in the mood to read them then. I'm not in the mood to read them now for that matter. But it's a mark of how long it's been since the war. Only four years, and already books have come out about it.

I read the first one that came out. I wasn't ready too, but you know that I can't resist picking up any book. It was odd to see how much it praised the D.A. the author called us greatest heroes of this generation, brave witches and wizards who fought and died for the greater good.

Personally, I don't feel like a hero when I read the book. I just felt like a sad little girl again, lost, without hope, missing her sister. It brought up a lot of memories that I didn't need to relieve again. I managed to finish it though.

The book's an instant bestseller of course, even if it's not completely accurate. You would think that we only appeared about halfway through our seventh year. On the bright side, they're not even sure who was all in the D.A., so at least People don't know I was in it. I don't think that I could stand people asking me questions about the war.

I'll keep you updated as soon as there is something to write about.

Love,

Padma


	18. January 4 2002

Dear Parvati,

It's the beginning of a new year again. Not that anything has changed since last letter. Still, I hate not writing to you, even if there isn't much for me to say these days. I still have the same job, same boyfriend, and same friends.

I don't need to write to you anymore, but I don't want to forget you. I know that's a silly thing to fear, but I'm still worried that if I don't think about you I'll somehow lose the memory of you too. It's getting hard to write these letters when there isn't much to write about though. I have to really try to find things to write to you about.

Speaking of things to write about, the D.A. had a reunion, the first one outside the usual anniversary of the battle. It was an actual party, a real, happy party. Almost everyone turned up, but there were a few people who didn't, or wouldn't come. They come during the anniversary of the battle though, so maybe they're just not ready to come to a party yet. I know that I took a while to talk myself into it.

The party was a great. I got to sit around and just talk to people that I hadn't had a chance to catch up with everyone since before the battle. I guess that I had kind of cut myself off a little bit, but everyone else seems to have kept in contact with everyone else.

I know that you would want to know that to know that our friends are doing OK. They've moved on pretty well. There are still scars there, but there will always be scars there. For the most part though, they're good. They've moved on with their lives, a lot of them better than I have. At least, I don't think that any of them are writing letters to their dead family members.

The real reason I'm writing this letter is because of you. You've been gone almost 4 years now, and I still haven't completely let go of you yet. Every else at the reunion has been able to move on, has stopped looking back and wishing for what could be. I haven't, because I still don't want to lose you.

Everyone else has let go, so why can't I? I know that you're gone, and that you won't come back. I've accepted that, and I know that I can't change that, no matter how much I want to. I now that you and I will never talk again. I know that you're not going to come back as a ghost. I know that.

So why is your memory still haunting me? Why can't I let you leave me alone? You always were there for me to lean on, to offer a willing shoulder for me to cry on. Even when you left, I still had these letters. It wasn't the same, but it was _something_.

Maybe that's why you still won't leave me alone, because I haven't left you alone. Is that it? is that the reason why I'm still clinging on to you? Why, when everyone has been able to escape the shadow of the battle, I still have nightmares?

I thought that I had moved on, that I could let your memory rest in peace. I realize now that I was wrong. The letters I wrote were ways of me talking to you, to think about what you would say to me, how you would comfort me. I still haven't been able to move on.

I've already let a lot of you go, but now it's time for the final bit to leave me too. I'm going to stop writing to you, at least until I can stop using you as my comforter. Then I'll know that I've been able to move on, and I'll have proven to myself that I can live without you, instead of just existing with out you.

I still love you, now and forever,

Padma


	19. January 12 2005

Dear Parvati,

It's been over three years since my last letter. A lot has happened since then, so I better get writing.

First off, I showed myself that I could live without you comforting me. I had to learn how to deal with decisions on my own, rather than trying to do what you would do. I can do that now, and I'm not afraid that I'm going to lose your memory now. I'm almost 25 now, and I've just now finally moved past the battle completely. It took me until last week to know that it doesn't have to haunt me anymore.

I still miss you of course, but I don't feel like I'm trying to draw you back into my life anymore. I don't feel like I have to write you letters because I need you in my life. Now, it's to help me clear my mind, and also because I do miss you still. Just don't expect me to write these as often, because I'm not going to.

Now for everything that's happened in the last few years.

First off, Liam proposed to me yesterday. We had been together for over three years and it takes until yesterday to propose to me. Men! I was thrilled though. We haven't started planning the wedding yet, since he only asked to me yesterday, but I imagine that it will take place in the summer, far away the cold winter months that I'm not too fond of.

It will be a small ceremony, and if Liam disagrees, I'll just have to put him in a full body bind until the wedding. I don't want a lot of people attending, just a few friend and our parents. I'd think I die of embarrassment if a lot of people were looking at me.

I didn't think that I would ever have the problem of being well known, but more and more books have come out about the war, all emphasizing the role the D.A. played. We didn't even do that much, and yet here we are, presented to the world as heroes again. Worse still, the most popular book's author actually did some research and found out exactly who was in the D.A. and who fought in the battle, though he didn't include a list of who died in the battle. I looked through it, and it even has the picture of the D.A. in our seventh year. Someone must have finally broken down and talked about what happened.

That's actually how Liam found out about you. I know that's odd that he would find out that way, but I had never been able to tell him about you. It was just too hard to talk about you, since I would have had to tell him that you were dead.

Even 8 years after you left, you're still affecting me. I might have let go, but it still hurts when people ask about you. I have to tell them that you're dead, since for some reason the books have been too busy praising us to bother giving a complete list of everyone who died.

Still, I shouldn't be too bitter. I was there that night, and I don't even know who everyone who died. It's not surprising that they don't know either. In some ways, it's easier not to know anyway.

So beside getting engaged and getting sort of famous, not a huge amount of new things have happened. I'm still at the same job, though our entire group has moved on from charming regular household objects to harder things, and we even gained a few more people to help. It's more exciting to do this specialized work, rather than making or repairing a piece of furniture for some family.

Our parents are doing well. They approve of Liam, and dad got promoted, so I guess that there pretty happy about that. Mom talked to me today about the engagement for several hours. I honestly haven't seen her this happy in years, since before out fifth year. It's actually quite cheering to see her smile this widely again.

I think that that's most of the information for this time. I don't know when I'll write again, but don't count in it being earlier then the wedding.

With love,

Padma


	20. March 19 2006

Dear Parvati,

Quite a bit has happened since the last letter, there are no less than three amazing things that has happened to me over the past year.

First off, the wedding itself was amazing. There were more people then I would have liked, but it was still amazing. All of the D.A. showed up, and my friends from work and loads of our family turn up as well. Mom and Dad, well, they haven't stopped smiling yet. I can't blame them for that though, because I haven't stopped either.

I wish that I could really explain it in detail, but it really just passed by in one long blur of happiness. It's only been only two months since the wedding, but it feels like no time has passed at all. I've don't think that I've felt this content and happy for a very long time.

The other good news is that I've finally moved out of the apartment. I didn't think that I would be living in it for so long when I first moved in. I was quite ready to move out of it, I'm not going to lie. The new house is much bigger, and not in London, thank goodness. It's just outside Tinsworth, and there are quite a few other wizarding families in the area. It does mean that I have to use floo powder to get to work, but I guess that everything can't be perfect.

You know all those pictures that were in the apartment? I've put those away. Not packed up mind, but tucked into a corner of the study, where I don't look at them. The new ones are much more cheerful anyway. Don't worry, I won't ever throw them away, even if they are tucked away so other people won't ask questions about them.

Liam bought us a cat. He just walked up and proclaimed that we needed a pet, and an hour later we have a cat. I know that's odd that I've never gotten a pet in all my twenty-five years of life, but I just really never thought about getting one.

The best news is that I'm going to have a baby. I only found out today, and I still haven't been able to get over it. Me! Having a baby! It's insane. I never really thought that I would have the chance to have my own child. It's incredible. I can't get over it. Quite a few of our friends already have kids, but it's still strange to think that I'm going to have one.

That's really all the good news for now. I don't know when I'll send another letter. I wish that I could have told you in person, or that you could have been there for the wedding. Of course, I also wished that I could have a kid, so I guess that some of my wishes are coming true.

With love,

Padma


	21. February 24 2008

Dear Parvati,

This is really the first chance I've had to write since me and Liam had our child. His name's William Sam, William because I like that name and Sam after Liam's Grandfather. I know, I don't really like Sam, but Liam insisted that we name him after his grandfather. I nearly died laughing when he told me his grandfather's first name, so we decided to name him after his middle name instead.

It's our birthday again. I took the day off work again so I could spend the day with our parents. I took little Will with me, since he actually really likes being at his grandparents. They love spending time with him too. I can't help but think that we must have looked like him when we were young, crawling around and getting into trouble.

I visited your grave briefly. I didn't stay long, just enough to visit. Surprisingly, I wasn't the only one there either, since Hermione was there too. She said that she had a meeting in Hogsmeade, and that she had come in a little early to visit. I've never seen anyone else in the graveyard on our birthday, so it was a little bit of a surprise, though I'll admit that it was nice to not spend time in the graveyard alone, because you do start feeling a little secluded when you're up there by yourself.

The thing that really made me write is what happened when I looked in the mirror today. I hadn't realized it, but we're not identical anymore. Well, we hadn't been identical since our seventh year, when we each got a few scars, but we could cover those up and still look identical again. Now though? I finally look older then you. I'm ten years older than you were when you died, and I look it. My face is no longer youthful as it was, and I think I'm still a little rounder after having William.

Twenty-eight! It's been ten whole years and dozens of letters since you died. It already seems like such a long time ago, though I know ten years isn't really that long. The world is such a different place since the last time you saw it. There's no worry in people's faces. The Hogwarts age kids don't even remember what we had to go through.

Only ten years, but it makes such a difference to me. Not just how I look, but also how I remember that time. Right after, when you died, I had such terrible nightmares. I'm amazed that I slept at all. Now, I remember people who died, not with sadness and grief like I did, but with fondness, trying to keep their memories alive. That's not even mentioning the fact that I have a wonderful husband and very loud child keeping me company now.

I wish that I could have the chance to wish you happy birthday, that I could walk into your house and we could exchange our baby horror stories. I know that I won't get that chance though. I'm glad that I've finally moved past the part we I had to write these letters just to get through the night.

I'm glad that I had the chance to have you as my sister for 18 long years, and I wish that they could have gone on longer. I wish that I had thought to tell you that before you died, and I figured that I should tell you that now, before I move father away from you.

I'm sorry for another one of these emotional, sappy letters, but our birthday always does this to me. I promise the next one (when I finally send it!) will be more cheerful.

With fondness,

Your sister


	22. August 9 2011

Dear Parvati,

Sorry for the long delay in between letters, Things have been pretty crazy lately. This is the first chance I've had in months to sit down and take a break, since the children have kept me on my feet for what feels like days.

That's right! I had another child. She's gorgeous, just a real cutie. I mean, Will's not bad looking, but Erin Parvati is just so tiny, I want to grab her and never let her go. She hasn't really learned to talk, but I'm just thankful that she's usually quiet, since I barely got any sleep when Will was this age.

I named her after you, but only as a middle name, because I think it's a little weird to have my child's namesake be my dead twin, no matter what George thinks. I've always loved the name Erin though, that's what I decided to give her as a first name.

Will was so curious when we first brought her home; he wouldn't leave her alone for days, even when she was sleeping. He just followed her around, trying to figure out what she did. It was cute to begin with, but it got old rather fast, even though he didn't ask very many questions. That's nothing new for Will though, since he's curious about everything. I don't think that I've ever seen a more inquisitive child.

The other day, I read through all the old letters I wrote to you, and aside from the feeling of nostalgia, I noticed that really hadn't talked about Liam much. It's funny, but I never felt like I had to talk about him much for you to know him. However, since these letter have become the closest things to a dairy I've ever had, I decided that I might as well do the thing properly (at least this one time) and describe him.

I'll start the obvious first, shall I? Liam is tall. Not huge, but little taller than Dean. He has dark brown hair, not black, and dark brown eyes that remind me of dark chocolate. I know that some guys are really tall and skinny, but Liam's, not. He's not necessarily muscly either, he in the middle somewhere. His nose is slightly crooked, where he broke it when he fell off his broom in his back yard when he was a kid.

He walks slightly stooped, like he's trying not to draw to attention to himself. That's not likely to happen though, since he is rather good looking, no matter how stooped he walks. When he laughs, which is often, it's surprisingly soft, not as loud as you would think.

I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to get him. Honestly, I've been extremely lucky the past few years. I got an amazing husband, one extremely curious boy, and the cutest little girl who ever teethed all of Mommy's old schoolbooks.

I had to take a break after writing those last few sentences, since Erin woke up, and it took several hours to get her back to sleep. I just wish that she would sleep through the night. Will never had that problem when he was her age, he would sleep almost though the night.

It just occurred to me that it has been nearly twenty years since we first got on the Hogwarts Express. We were so small then. I'm going to have to visit mom and talk to her about, since it'll only be a few more years when Will is going to be going to Hogwarts, and I going to want to be ready for that.

I have to run, Erin just woke up again. I'll visit you the next time I get the chance, and I'll send another letter as soon as I have the time.

Love you always,

Padma


	23. July 8 2014

Dear Parvati,

I writing this from a different side of the world then I usually do. I'm in the Patagonian Desert, watching the quidditch world cup. I've missed the last couple, and honestly, I would have missed this one too, except that pretty much the all of the D.A. were planning on going. We're much busier now than we used to be, I don't think that we've managed to get all of us in the same area for at least five years now.

We were given a whole field to ourselves, blocked off from the rest of the crowds. It's actually a little scary when you pop your head of your tent and you see the whole field surrounded by people. It wasn't until nightfall and everyone had finally left that we dared to come out of our tents to talk.

We've changed a lot since you knew us. It's been sixteen years since you last saw us, and we're different now. Almost all of us have families now. We're happy now. The scars, while still there, have faded to the point where it takes someone who also has scars to see them.

The D.A. looks a lot bigger nowadays, with all the spouses and children running around. We didn't get to bed until nearly morning; there were just so many people to catch up on. I think that I stayed up later then I had since my Hogwarts days.

There are still a few more days that we'll spend here, since we still have to watch the final quidditch matches. I don't think that we'll have such a late night tomorrow though, since I think that it's going to be nearly impossible to get people up in the morning. It's probably a good thing that I'm writing this before I go to bed, or else it would never get done.

Will and Erin have both been having the time of their life here. While a number of the kids here are older, The Potters have a son who's about Will's age, and Erin has been visiting some of the Thomas children all night. They're both rather excited about the Quidditch match (probably their father's doing), I am very satisfied just to see all of our friends again.

We took a picture at the end of the party, before anyone went to bed. Well, we really took about seventy, but only two really came out.

The first one is like the other D.A. pictures I have. We're still standing the same way we did, a little older now, with some holes where people used to stand. What's really different is expression on our faces. There's no more youthful joy, no more looks of grim pleasure. There's only a look of content on our faces. We are all where we're supposed to be.

The second one has much more people in it. Everyone in camp has crammed themselves into it, half-asleep children held in the adults' arms. This is my favorite one we took. We all standing next the best people in the world, and in spite of us being surrounded on all sides by thousands of tents, we the only ones there.

Of course, as always happens when I'm near the D.A., I think of you. I talked a lot to Hermione, and we spent a lot of time sharing stories about you and Lavender. It's nothing less than incredible that I can do that, that I can tell memories of you without the pain. I even laughed at you, at your memory. I think that you would like that.

I've never been further away from you then I am now. It's not just the years or distance, though that is part of it. We were never exactly the same, but I'm a very different person from the one you knew. Not completely different mind you, but enough that you would have to sit me down for a long talk. If I had to say one thing to you though, I would say that I've never been happier, and that I'm glad I knew you.

Dawns starting to creep through the tent, so I better try and get at least a little sleep.

With lots of love,

Padma


	24. September 1 2018

Dear Parvati,

I know, I know, it's been four years since my last letter. I swear, life gets busier and busier. There's just so much going on these days, it's surprising to find that four years have gone by since my last letter. If you were still alive you would have been furious with me for not sending a letter sooner. You would have fixed me with that glare of yours and said" how the heck to you expect me to know what's going on with your life when your last 6 letter cover over 12 years?"

As you well know though, I'm writing this when I need to get away from everyone else. Not that Liam wouldn't understand what I'm feeling, it's just that sometimes I need someone who's not going to start talking to me, which is rather funny now that I think about it, since you always used to be the one who did all the talking. Another bonus is that the graveyard makes a fantastic place to think. It's so quiet and peaceful. In a house full of hectic kids, you learn to appreciate what little peace and quiet you can get.

Now the reason that I'm writing is because this was Will's first day at Hogwarts. Where the times go? It was only a few letters ago that I introduced him to you, and he's already off to School. Heck, it wasn't even that long ago that _we _were starting school. We can't possibly that old, since I'm still in my 30s, and when you're in your 30s you're not that old… Right?

It was harder than I thought to say goodbye to Will. I know that he's going to be back in December, but that feels like such a long time away. It feels like I didn't get to spend as much time with him as I should have. I'll have to make sure we talk more over the holidays, I'll just have to do it a little at a time so I don't turn into the weird mom who never leaves her child alone.

And I didn't even think of the fact that Erin would want to go. She looks a lot like me, which means that she looks a lot like _you_, and I swear, the look she gave me was the exact same look you gave me when I wouldn't let you do something. It clearly said that while I might know best, you should still be able to go. She's still too young to go, since she's only 9. And it's not like she there's no one to play with; she still has Veena, even if Veena is a little young to play with her.

I just wrote that down without thinking, which was rather stupid of me since you don't have any clue that I had another child. I was going to write that down in earlier letter, but I realized that I had never had the chance to complete it.

Oh well, I guess that you wouldn't have to surprised anyway at this point. After a few kids, it's not very surprising anymore, let me tell you. Still, I think that I am going to tell you a little bit about Vena, since I never get tired about talking about my kids.

She's the first child that really doesn't look like either of her parents. Will _really _looks like Liam, and Erin resembles me (us?) quite strongly. Veena though? She doesn't quite look like anybody. Well, dad says that she looks like mom, but then again, mom thinks she looks like dad, so they might not know for sure either.

You can definitely tell that she's my child, even if she doesn't look exactly like me. Her skin tone is exactly the same as Will's and Erin's for starters. Not as dark as mine, but obviously darker than most Hogwarts students are.

She's quite young though, only three, or three and a half, as Erin would say. I guess that we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

There growing so fast, Parvati. It's feels like I have so little time left until there all grown up. I guess I finally know why mom was crying when we left for Hogwarts, all those years ago. Before I know it, Erin will also be going to Hogwarts. I definitely won't try and stop them, not only because their education is important, but because Hogwarts was where I made some of my happiest memories (aside from our seventh year) and where I made some of my best friends. My friends from work are great too, but they weren't there during those eight years that are still among the most interesting years I've ever had.

The real reason I'm writing this is because I suddenly realized, as I was watching Will board the train, that it's been over twenty years since you died. I actually have lived twice as long as you have now. It's funny how the years make such a difference in grief, don't they? I know that I still don't talk about you much, but twenty years has taught me a lot of lessons, and one of them is not to regret the past. So I don't. I don't think that I'll ever be able to think of you and not wish that you were here, but I don't regret the sacrifice that we paid that night, so that my kids could get on that train, and I don't have to worry about their safety. Much.

I want you to know that I'll never be able to forget you, no matter how many years pass. You might have only been with me for eighteen years, but you'll always be important to me, no matter how many years past. I lost something with you, and though I've been able to get some of it back, it will never all come back.

I feel a little bad, since I only use these letters when I need someone to talk to, someone who can listen to all these silly fears. Even after twenty years, you're still filling that role. Honestly, it's my dearest hope that I'll never send another one of these letters ever again. Though with the way my life's gone; I probably shouldn't count on that.

I'll read this letter to you during one of my visits to the graveyard. I doubt that I'll be disturbed, unless one of the other D.A. members are there paying their respects, because we're the only ones who visit these graves anymore.

Thanks for being a dairy for the past twenty years.

Love you always,

Padma


	25. December 18 2023

Dear Parvati,

Why does time move so fast? It's been over five years since my last letter, but I could swear that it wasn't that long ago. Will's already in his fifth year, and Erin is in her third. Vena's not quite old enough yet, but she will be in three more years. What happened? How did they get so old that fast?

I'm proud of them, I really am. Will's gotten excellent marks, and Erin, well, she hasn't gotten as good as marks, but I'm still amazed at what she can do if she puts her mind to it. Veena has grown up into a typical 8 year old, curious, but no longer needing her mother's hand to explore the world.

It's actually something she did that caused me to write this letter. Yesterday I was on the couch, reading a book, Liam was cooking dinner, Will was reading one of his textbooks, and Erin was badgering him to explain a spell to her. This is a completely ordinary scene at my house. And then all of a Vena comes in holding the picture of you casting your Patronus the summer before you died. She walks in, very pleased with herself and says "I found a picture of mom"

Well of course, that got Will's and Erin's attention. And then next moment Will looks at me and says, "I didn't know you could cast a Patronus!" And I have to explain to him that I _can_ cast a Patronus, and explain to the other two what a Patronus is. Well, that took a while, and at the end of it, Erin grabbed the picture and exclaims "You look so young there mom! It's hard to imagine that you were ever that young."

And then I broke out crying. They didn't know why of course. Even in the fifteen years that I since I had William, I was never able to bring myself to talk about you. My own children didn't know who you were. Liam knew, but that's only because he found out, not because I told him. And even after he found out, I almost never mentioned you. He never pressed me, and we just went on with our life. But my own children, children who would have been your nieces and nephews don't know about you.

For a few years after your death, I was angry at the world, because it kept going with barely a problem, even after you died. No one ever talked about you, even though it felt like they should have. It felt like no one could be bothered to think about the sacrifice you made. It felt so unfair.

Now though, I realize that I'm just as guilty as the rest of the world. I hated talking about you, because it brought up so many painful memories. I can count the number of times I really talked about who you were. Not just acknowledging you existed, but actually talking about you. You know how many times that happened?

Six.

I never talked about you, to the point that my own children didn't know. All because I felt like your memories were too painful for me. They should've known, but they didn't. Erin didn't know that she was named after the best friend I ever had.

I finally told them, but only because it was nearly forced upon me by my kids. As soon as they got Liam in there to get me to stop crying, they wanted to know what was wrong. So I told them the whole story, starting way in the first year. Some things they already knew about me, like I was in Ravenclaw like Will, or that I was in the D.A. But then I started talking about you, about how you led me to join the D.A., about how you were there to help rebel against the Carrows, and about how you fought in the battle. I told them that you were my identical twin, and about how I lost you. In a way, it was almost like losing you all over again. All the memories came back to me. The good times we had on our birthday, the summers we spent together, the time in the room of requirement, all of them, the good and the bad.

At the end of my story, Erin picked up the picture of you and stared at it for a long second before grabbing my hand like you used to do when I was upset. She looks at me and says, "And that's why you gave me my middle name?" I nodded, and then we just sat there. I had never told anyone this much about you. And now here it was, exposed at last. I sat there, examining the painful memories that I didn't want to put down. Everyone else sat there trying to digest what I had just told them.

The next day, they insisted in visiting your grave for the first time. They wanted to know more about you. And I realized that, in spite of how painful it was, I actually was glad they wanted to know. They started to learn things about you, each in their own way. Will started combing through books about the D.A and old newspapers, Erin just straight out asked me about her namesake, and Vena, well, she just listened in.

With the years that have gone by, the way that I thought about you changed. At first, it was grief that almost drowned me. Then it was sadness and regret that you weren't there. Then you were a bittersweet memory. Then you were there as someone for me to talk to, but not think about, because I had a perfect life that didn't need to be interrupted by pain.

The one thing that stayed the same over the years was the pain. At first it might have been a little stronger, but it's still there. Even after all my attempts, the pain you left me with is still there. I accepted it, lied about it, refused it, denied it, but it's still here. I think it's time that I should give up and accept that it's here to stay.

I'm not going to hide from the pain anymore. I can't, now that my children know about you. I need to be able to talk about you again. Up until this point, I refused to share my pain. I kept it in me, and it only broke out six times. It's taken me this long to realize that it's not pain to other people. They feel bad for me, but it's not pain.

I'm out of things to say, so I think it's time for me to finish this letter.

With all the love in the world,

Padma


	26. June 24, 2027

Dear Parvati,

Erin's going to be graduating from Hogwarts in a week. Will's already been working for the Ministry for two years now, and Vena is well on her way to finishing Hogwarts.

The years have flown by faster than I ever would have believed possible. Yesterday I was giving birth to Venna. A week ago Will was born. A month ago I was married to Liam. Two months ago I was getting my first job. And only a little before that I lost you forever.

I woke up this morning and found that I could no longer ignore the grey hairs that are starting to pop up. How could it be that I had turned onto the exact same type of person me and you used laugh at when we were little? How could I become middle age without noticing?

There's no doubt that the world has changed back since our school days. Thirty years has wrought quite a change in, well, everything. I don't think that you would even recognize the Ministry. Thanks mostly to Hermione (I suspect), it's very different. And I think that you would have a difficult time recognizing a lot of the D.A. we all look older, though some people are defiantly more recognizable then others still (Poor Harry, the scar's always going to be a giveaway). Kids run around in a way that, growing up, we never got to see. So much time has passed that some of them don't even have a older generation looming over them, telling them how horrible it was in their day.

It's not all different though. Diagon alley still looks mostly the same, the some stores have changed. Gringotts is still there though, as is Flourish and Blotts, and of course the leaky cauldron hasn't changed one bit since you last stepped in there.

Hogwarts still looks the same from the outside, as looming and comforting as ever. I haven't visited there since I left school, but I'm willing to bet that everything still looks exactly the same. But that's Hogwarts for you. No matter what has happened to it in the past, it still satnds like it always did, as timeless as ever.

Many of the teachers that we knew have left by now. In fact, I doubt that I would recognize very many people there if I went now. Oh well, there's always Peeves I guess.

It's odd, but when I see children running around Diagon alley, I think of you. After all, if it wasn't for your sacrifice (and others like you), they wouldn't be running around Diagon alley like that, pointing at the newest broomstick. You gave so many people the chance to live peacefully, and they don't even know it. I always used to question how they could live without knowing, but I realize know how silly that is. It's not the children's fault you died. Why should they have to know? Your death, and the death of everyone else that died that night is mine, and my generation's burden to carry.

The scars from that night haven't ever left me. For a while after your death, I wondered if it was worth it. I couldn't help but think that it had all been for nothing. To me, the world seemed the same, and winning the last battle at such a terrible price seemed worthless. Now, I know that it was worth it. Losing you was and will be the worst thing that I will ever have to live through. But now Erin's graduating from Hogwarts, and she'll never have to fear losing her family. She'll never have to lose her sister like I did. For the first time, I can say without reserve, that it was worth losing you, for the oppertuity to see my kids live a happy, fear-free life.

Look at me! Middle age must have made me sentimental. Well, that's not true, I was already sentimental, but now I guess that now I'm so old, I have to be more sentimental.

Isn't it funny that something as innocent as Children running around can make you think of something like this? And then before you know it, the idea makes you write a letter like this. Odd, right?

With much love,

Padma


	27. February 24, 2031

Dear Parvati,

Our parents died today.

And the pain is back. It's the same kind of pain that I felt over 30 years ago, when you died. It's a horrible biting pain that won't leave you alone.

The pain is the same, but this time it will be different. This time I know that it won't nearly kill me. I know that I'm strong enough to get through it. Your death was nearly unbearable. Our parent's death won't be easy, but I will be able to get through it.

I know that this time, the grief will leave me. The grief you gave me never quite left, but theirs will.

Their death is so different from yours. You didn't have time. It came so fast that I never got the chance to say goodbye to you. One moment you were there, and then the next you were gone. They knew it was coming, and they were ready. They said goodbye, first to the kids and to Liam, and they were left with me. They said goodbye to me and then…

And then one moment they were there, and the next they were gone.

Even though I had a chance to prepare this time, it came too fast for me truly be ready. They were here, and then they were gone, leaving me alone again.

I'm sitting in their house, the house of our childhood, trying to find a way to deal with the grief. There's no one here except me and a few lonely memories. This is where I discovered my love of reading, my love of magic, but most importantly, I found the love of family. This is the same house that you and I played as tiny children, almost a half-century ago. This is the house we decided that no matter what, we were always going to be together, since we were twins. This was the house that saw us make up our minds to join the D.A. in our seventh year.

This was the house that I first felt your death. Before that, I just felt shock. But when I entered the house, I thought that the pain would kill me.

And now, it's the house where I feel the grief of being the last person alive who has those memories.

In the thirty-so years since I moved out, they changed my room. It's just another clean room, looking like any other bedroom that might house guests for a few days. But there are things that a careful eye might see. Tucked in a corner, one might see that there's a slight dent where we argued and you threw a book into the wall. Behind the dresser, you can see the scorch marks where I accidently shot sparks into the wall when you got your first boyfriend. And carefully hidden, behind the headboard, someone might be able to see the place where me and you carved our names into it the day that our grandmother died.

But even if the carful eye did see any of the signs, how would they know where it came from, the memories that are involved in the slight blemishes? No one will ever know. It used to be our secret, the Patil secret, but now it's just my secret, and it's not the same.

Your room is where I'm writing this, since it's the only place that hasn't changed since I moved out. Everything is just were you left it, assuring me that I wasn't the only person to miss you.

But now I am. For the first time, I'm alone in missing you. Mom and Dad are no longer there anymore.

You died, and I was crushed, but the world called you a hero. At least for a little while. Two old, kind people who had loved and supported a hero dies, and I'm crushed, and the world doesn't notice.

Life's not fair is it?

But then again, if it was, I wouldn't be here, sitting in a lonely room, surrounded memories that are now just mine. I would be sitting in a downstairs in the dining room, flicking through old photos with you sitting across from me and laughing sadly.

But for the first time, I'm glad you're not here. You'll never have to feel the pain of losing a loved one. You might have missed out on so much joy, but you'll never have to see our parents die. In dying, you've been spared the pain that I have felt for so many years.

I'm feeling lost again. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There are so many decisions that need to be made, and this time, everyone's looking at me to make them. But I don't know what to do. I can barely make a complete thought without my pain throbbing through my head and interrupting it.

After you died, I thought that I would never be ok again. And honesty, I never fully have been able to shake your grief off. This time, I feel like terrible, but I know that I'll be ok.

I just wish that I understood what made everyone leave me behind when they died.

With much love,

Padma


	28. August 2, 2038

Dear Parvati,

I honestly don't know what to put into these letters anymore. I'm so far removed from that young women who lost you, sometimes I just stare at the parchment and wonder how I'm supposed to be able to write to you. It's been over 40 years since you left, and the words have never been harder to put down to you.

Sometimes I wonder how I could have gone so far without you. I'm so different from the girl who lost her twin, and wrote these letters since they granted her a little peace, and let her sleep for a few hours undisturbed. Now I sleep through the whole night, and wake up with my husband by my side and my grandkids on my mind.

I laugh freely, worry a lot, and make sure that when everyone comes over, we have enough food. Erin's kids come over almost daily, and the other Parvati, my youngest granddaughter, begs me for stories about you.

The distance between us seems overwhelming, but your still here. Even throughout the years, I still feel your absence, still nagging me, making me smile when I tell a story about you.

You would be amazed at how the lack of any real news destroys any attempts at letter writing. This letter has been sitting on my desk for the past two months, and i still only have a few words to say to you.

My life is so boring, so mundane, that I can't imagine trying to tell it to you without you getting bored out of your mind. And yet, I still want to talk to you again. Just one more time, and that would be enough to put me at ease.

I just wish that I knew what to fill these letters with these days. I'm happier than I've ever been, but happy is so boring, I can't manage to put it down in parchment without groaning. But surrounded by my children and their children, I feel content.

I guess that I really just wanted to write this letter to let you know that you're still on my mind. It's been so long between letters, if you were alive I know you would kill me.

Yours forever,

Padma


	29. September 5 2043

Dear Parvati,

Susan Bones died last week, giving her the dubious honor of being the first D.A. member to die since the battle so many years ago.

Susan was only 63, the same age I am. She was 45 years older than you when she died, but she was still too young. But then again, I guess it always feels like people are too young to die. There's never a good time to leave the world.

Her funeral was earlier today. Being the hero she was, the funeral had to take place at Hogwarts. Nowhere else was large enough to hold the crowd that wanted to pay their respects. So many people came, but only a fraction of us actually knew her well. We were the ones who knew her well enough to understand what struggles she had to overcome. Most people will never know how scared she was at Hogwarts, but how she refused to let it stop her.

So that's what we told the masses that came. We praised how brave she was, how she had lived a long life, how she really was a hero. And they clapped and nodded like they understood.

But they can't. None of us were good enough of speakers to make them understand who she really was. They all know here for the hero she was, but the D.A. knew her as the person she was.

I was only one of several people who gave the eulogy. I've only had to give one eulogy before, and that time, all I had to do was tell how much I missed you. This time, I had to try and make people know that Susan was just a normal person, happy sometimes, sad sometimes, and even lonely sometimes.

As sad as Susan's death is, it's nothing that I haven't encountered before. Your death and our parents' death hit me hard. Her death is tragic, but not painful. I'll remember her, visit her gravestone, but I'll be able to move on without much trouble.

Other than Susan's passing, life's been mostly the same. It's happy, but also wonderfully mundane. Now that School has started again, the grandchildren have mostly cleared out, the house is thankfully quieter. Now all I have to do is walk into me and Liam's bedroom to get some peace. before they went off to Hogwarts, I had to apparate to the graveyard to spend some time by myself.

I know that it's odd, but as much as I love my children and grandchildren, I enjoy the quiet too much to spend all day with them. I was always a little bit like that, but I think that your death and that sudden absence of noise in my life made me shun it a little too much. I guess it's something to work on, since I don't think that my grandchildren are going to get any quieter, and I do love to spend time with them.

I can't help but think that Susan's the first of us to go, but that it won't be all that long until more of us start to go. None of us are young anymore, and though I wouldn't exactly call us old, well over half of our lives our behind us now. I hope that we all live for many more years, but if your death taught me anything: it's that people can die at any time. I think it might be about time for me to retire, and to start spending more time with Liam, and the D.A.

I'm just going to try and enjoy their company while their still here with me.

With much love,

Padma


	30. November 18, 2050

Dear Parvati,

A few years back, (60 or so,) you and I discussed what we were going to do the summer after we left Hogwarts. We came upon the idea to travel around the world, like they did in the old days. You wanted to see France, and I always wanted to go south to Spain. Naturally, when the war started, we both knew that we weren't going to leave until it was over, by the time it finally was over, you were dead, and I was in no state to go anywhere.

Skip ahead a few years, when Liam and I finally got married. At the time, he wanted to take me on the tour of the world. I can still picture him, smiling down at me, with a twinkle in his eye, spinning romantic words into one very persuasive argument to go.

I couldn't bring myself to go then. I refused him, and I'm afraid to say that I didn't explained my reasons for refusing until much later. At the time, he was just slightly hurt, and confused. He couldn't have known that you and I had already made plans to do that very same thing. I wasn't ready to go without you yet, and combined with the fact that he had dredged up painful (at the time) memories of you, he never stood a chance of getting me to go.

This is old news of course, since it all happened over forty years ago. The only reason I spent the last hour or so writing that down was to tell you Liam tried to convince me to go again, and that this time I accepted. Yes, it might have been a little later than we planned, but I finally visited Spain, and we spent quite a bit of time in France.

It took a few months, but I'm honestly very happy that we finally decided to do it. It was indescribably beautiful; I tried to write down what it was like, but I gave up and just wrote down "indescribably beautiful." It doesn't do it justice, but it's the best I could do.

I can't tell you how many times that I wished that I was better at writing and this is just another one of them. I tried to be one of those people who can sit down, pick up a quill, and just write down they're whole day, but somehow, I can never manage it. I know that these letters are less than adequate considering how seldom they come, but I could never quite get the right words to properly describe my life.

I'd never admit this to anyone, because I know it's stupid, but whenever I wrote these letters, I never wanted to go into detail, because I felt like I was celebrating something that you had been deprived of, and that you would be mad at me. I know that it's foolish of me to think that, since you would only have wanted me to be happy, but guilt's a powerful force. It kept me from writing everything I would have liked to, and I get a funny feeling that it's still there, preventing me from writing everything I would like to. I wish that I could just tell myself "Hey, Idiot! Stop feeling subconsciously guilty!" I've tried, but it doesn't seem to have had much effect.

I know that you would have wanted me to move past you, but the truth is that I've never quite been able to shake you completely. A much as I've tried, you were my twin, and while we may not have looked as close as some other twins, I still felt closer to you then I ever did to anyone else.

If you're looking for evidence that your death is still affecting me, even 52 years later, just look at this letter. I started out a beautiful trip around the world with my dear husband, and now it's a letter about how guilty I still feel about your death. I know it's not my fault, and it's been so many years since it happened, but I still feel guilty.

It took until I wrote that out for me to understand it. I didn't think I felt guilty, but then I also thought that I had been able to move past you after a married Liam. It' not rational for me to feel survivors guilt after all this time, but I still do.

I'm sorry that these letters all seem to end depressingly. I guess that it's always bound to happen.

Love,

Padma


	31. May 2, 2060

Dear Parvati,

This same day every year, I try and finish a letter to you. I've sat down at this desk every year for the last ten and write for a few hours. Every year I tell you the news, what's happened with everyone in the D.A., How's my family doing, and what's happened in my life in the ever increasing span of years since my last letter. Every year I write until my hand is cramped, and I run out of parchment, but I can never bring myself to finish it. So I crumble it up and throw it into the garbage and wait until next year.

For ten years I've done the same thing, and I've always wondered why I bothered. It seems so pointless, but that still hasn't stopped me from sitting down and writing this again. I doubt that I'll finish it, but already this letter feels different than the others. Instead of just giving you news, I'm here telling you my problems… again. Honestly, these letters I've sent have probably been the best source of stress relief I've ever found, though this might be the first time that I've been sent a letter just because I've had problems writing a letter.

Anyway, it's May 2 today, the 62 anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. As far as anniversary's go, this was a pretty small one. They've always been fairly small for twelve years now, since the "Half Century Anniversary." Now that was a huge one, let me tell you. Imagine one long and tedious ceremony after another and then people clamoring around you for hours after that, and you have some picture of what it was like.

Today though there were less people than ever, though it was still much too big for my tastes. Enough years have gone by that most people weren't born when the battle happened, and they don't feel as strong as a need to thank us. Not that I'm complaining, I'm quite happy to live my twilight years in relative silence, rather than the craziness that followed me when I went to Diagon alley when I was still a young women.

I know that when I was younger, the attention still bothered me, but I was thankful that they were there to honor the memory of every one who died that day. I've watched the atmosphere of this day change slowly from tearful silence, to bittersweet memories of the fallen, to having a slight tedious air about them, to the current air, which, though still thankful, feels phony, like people are just there because they're supposed to be, and just don't care anymore.

I suspected several years ago (many years ago now) that people would stop caring about us, and that we would just become another footnote in the history books. I'll admit, at the time I just thought that it would mean that we would be less famous, and that people would stop recognizing me in the street. I never thought ahead enough to recognize that it would happen to ceremony that takes place today.

I'm perfectly fine with the ceremonies dying out. When they still really cared about who died that day, and why they died, it was, if not pleasant, satisfying to see people hold a memorial for the battle. Now, it's just annoying to show up and see an audience that clearly is imagining themselves elsewhere. It's not everyone that feels that way, there are still a lot of family members there who are still saying goodbye once a year, but this was first year that they were the minority that wanted to be there.

I never like the ceremonies anyway. In the beginning they weren't so bad, when the Ministry didn't have one planned, and the D.A. were free to be on their own in the graveyard (in other words, when we had no ceremony). Later, when we got famous, and they started pushing for us to come, that's when they got unbearable. One long ministry speech after another, most with the same hallow condolences to the fallen. Imagine, year after year, having to show up every year and sit through that, all because of public pressure.

Maybe next year I can just skip the ceremonies and just cut to the graveyard, where the D.A. still meets every year. There's not all that many of us left, but that's ok, because for the most part, everyone who's joined you in recent years are in the graveyard as well. Even many years later, where still gathered together on this date, just like before the battle.

It's not the same, with so few of us left, but I can't see us not gathering, even if many of us are retired and have enough free time to see each other now.

In hindsight, I guess that I'm not surprised it's come to this, with the ceremonies becoming more formalities than anything else, and the general lack of caring about us. I can hardly expect younger people with so much energy to want to sit still and go to a ceremony that I don't want to go to either. It's not all bad; there are some times when someone still thanks me. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes my day.

In a change of tone, the other Parvati, my youngest granddaughter finally married last month, making her the last of my grandchildren to marry. I'm not sure if I ever fully told you how big my family's gotten, though I'm sure I've written it down at least three times now. Three children, seven grandchildren, and going on thirteen great-grandchildren. Every year, it seems to get bigger, but I can't complain. There's no way that I can make you understand what having grandchildren is like. It's a mix of love and pride, along with a healthy portion of craziness.

When I have the time, I'll write another letter all about them. There's so much to say, I could spend all day just sitting here and writing about them. But the night's starting to look more like early morning, so I'll save it for another time.

This day's always been bittersweet to me. Not really special, but important to me. Every year I mark another strike in my old transfiguration textbook, where I marked it the after the first anniversary. And now, looking at it, there's so many marks there, it seems hard to believe that I've lived that long since that day. There's dozens, all around the introduction, the first ones I made now very faded, and the one I made just now still wet. I always drew solace in the fact that my last memory of you before Hogwarts was buying that book with you right before the summer holidays ended.

I just thought of something that Seamus said earlier. He was filled with regret, since he never got the chance to say I love you to lavender. In a way, I understand. Those few words I said to you before the battle doesn't seem to have been enough. All I had time for was a quick goodbye, ending with "I Love you" In hindsight, I doesn't feel like I said it enough back then, but I'm glad that those were my last words to you.

I think that I'll try and get some sleep, though it usually avoids me on days like these. I'm rather proud that I've stayed up long enough to finish this letter. All the previous letters I tried to write ended with me falling asleep at my desk, and then tossing it into the garbage. I'm fairly certain that this one's finished though, so I'll spend some time in the graveyard soon and read it toward you.

Affectionately,

Padma


	32. December 14, 2072

Dear Parvati,

It's been a long month, one of the longest ones that I can remember. My family, all my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and now three great-great grandchild have been popping in and out of my house, and I've barely had a moment to myself. Of course, I can't blame them for being worried about me, but it gets rather irritating to endure their constant barrage of questions about me. Now don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly, and their concern is touching, but a month of it is about three weeks too many.

Perhaps I should have started the letter off with this, but Liam died last month. Previously, when I've written about someone dying, I've started off with that, and then went from there. This time though, I've honestly more annoyed about my family not leaving me alone long enough to write this sooner. It has affected them, all of them, deeply. They have never had to deal with this kind of lose before, and I can see them struggling, trying to learn to live without him.

I think that even though they were supposed to be spending time with me to help me, I was the one that was helping them. Just like how Liam helped me when my parents died, I had to help them understand how this could have happened. Of course, at their age, my children have lost some friends, but I this was the first time they really lost someone close them

Of course, I'm less than thrilled about my husband of 67 years and one of the people I love most in the world dying, but I'll manage just fine. This time around, instead of the usual pain I've felt before when someone dies, I just felt acceptance. Yes, it's a little sad, but Liam wasn't young. It was his time to go.

I don't know how else to explain the lack of pain. I feel his absence keenly, but I know that I can live without him. He lived happily, even until the last day, when both he and I knew that this would be the last time I spoke to him. Even when I found him dead, I didn't feel any pain. It's a stark difference between our parents' death, and your death.

I can understand why Liam was at peace, and why I don't feel sad, or depressed at his death. I can't explain it, but I'm at peace with him leaving me. I've sat here for an hour trying to think of the words to express what I'm feeling, but I've failed. All I can say is that I'm okay with it.

That's not to say that I don't miss him, or that I wanted him gone. It's just that I know that his time was up, and I can accept that. I lived with the best man in the world for more years then I deserve, but now it's time to let him go.

I spent the last few weeks going through all of Liam's things. I gave most of his things to our various children and grandchildren. They'll know what to do with it better then I will. There were a few things that I kept for myself, but they were all old, mostly worthless, but I can't quite bear to part with them. I didn't know where to put them, so in the end I took down an old wooden box that Liam had made for me with muggle tools, almost half a century ago.

It's not much to look at, just a plain wooden box without decoration on it, but I remember how much time Liam put into that box. He called it a memory box, and gave it to me for our twentieth anniversary. Since then, I've stored many pictures and old cards in there. I had been meaning to go through it for ages now, but somehow, never got around to it.

I didn't remember how many things I had put on in there. Hundreds of cards lay on top, and after setting those to aside, there were still hundreds of jumbled pictures from spanning a hundred years. Ones of before we were born, of our parents looking younger then I had ever seen them. One of us, as young girls, beaming happily at the camera with the backdrop of Mumbai showing thousands of people moving behind us, now dressed in fashions we would laugh at.

There were ones of me and Liam getting married, waving happily, with all of our many friends and family standing next to us, people who are almost all gone now, or else look much older now.

In a flurry, up came the pictures of Will being born, shortly followed by Erin and Vena. Then the pictures show them growing up, getting older, putting on their Hogwarts robes for the first time, getting older, and then graduating. A few pictures later, their getting married, having their own kids, and raising their own families. It's their whole life story summed up in less time than it takes to read it.

After I had gotten over the pictures, I picked up all their cards they had sent me over the years. I had forgotten how many there were. Hundreds it seemed like, all telling their own story. It seems almost impossible that I could ever have been sent so many, or that I could have replied to them all. It's astounding to see how they grew up just by reading how the letters change. The first ones are all about Hogwarts, about what house they got sorted into, then about their grades, them confessing that they made of gotten in to a tiny bit of trouble with the professors. A few letters after that, and it's all about how they had to grow up, and then telling about that special person who they were sure they were going to marry.

And that was just my children's ones. A few years after that, ones started pouring in from my grandchildren, and soon enough, for my great grandchildren. It took hours to read them all, but it was worth it.

It wasn't until I reached the bottom that I found the pictures of you and me growing older, just where I had placed them so many years before. Here we are in Hogwarts robes for the first time, still as identical as always. Then the ones were we teenagers learning to cast spells without our mother knowing in the backyard. Next were the ones of the D.A., and then the first ones after the battle, when I'm alone.

I never realized how much different I looked before the battle. My smile was so carefree, wider then in all the other pictures that came after. There's one, in the summer before our seventh year, and I'm positively beaming. And then there's one some years later, with me standing next to Liam, and I'm beaming again, but it's not the same. There's just a hint of sadness in it, and looking through all the other pictures that came after the war, the sadness is always there.

After all the pictures, and letters, at the very bottom, where I carefully had placed them, were the letters the letters I had wrote to you after you died, and where I had carefully placed them each time I wrote a new one.

Reading them again, for the first time, I realize that I have a massive gift for understatement. The letters a sent to you in those first months are all so calm; they don't convey how hurt I felt. The words are true, but they didn't cover how devistated I was. You and I were never the same person. I remember when people were surprised that we acted differently. And we would just giggle and say we weren't the same person. But we had a bond that was close than most people couldn't even hope to share, built out of sharing the same life for the first eleven years, and then making sure to spend time together even after we were sorted into different houses.

And then you left without me, and I was more broken then I ever thought I could be. That first summer without you I didn't know how I could live without you. The summer holidays were our time to spend lots of time together, something we didn't get to do much at Hogwarts, and then all of a sudden, it was my time to live without you.

I remember struggling with writing those first letters to you. Each word I wrote reminded me that I would never get to say those words in person to you. I remember trying to stay composed as I wrote down those first words. I knew that it was only because I loved you so much that it hurt so much, but that didn't stop the pain.

Eventually it got easier, when I went back to Hogwarts. It took me breaking down (to put it mildly) where you had died for me to really accept that this really was going to be the last spot where I would see you. I remember sending the first letter to you after that. The words didn't come easier, but they were less painful to put down on paper.

The next couple of years were hard. I think they would have been hard no matter what, with the wizarding world trying to recover from Voldermort, but they were doubly hard without you there to support me. Sure, I made friends, but it wasn't the same. I was too hung up on wishing you were alive to really live a normal life.

But then I met Liam.

He made me feel like I could live without you. He could never make me forget you, or stop missing you, but he made me look forward to the next day. The very first day I met him, I stopped feeling quite as broken. He made me realize that there was still hope for lasting happiness for me. Though I doubt that he ever knew it, he gave me the courage to try and live without you. Because of him, I was able to let you finally let you go, to know that though I would always miss you, I would be able to have a full live, even if it was without you.

When he finally proposed to me, I accepted almost instantly. And the rest is history. We made a life together, supported each other, through me gaining a small bit of fame because of the D.A., through his parents dying, through having kids, to missing you, to my parents dying, through every bit of thick and thicker. I loved him dearly, and we had the best life I could imagine without you.

And now, like so many of my loved ones, he's gone. The man who put my world back into one piece died peacefully in his sleep, leaving only a handful of mementos, distraught children, and one woman that he had taught hope to, who loved him with everything she had.

I miss him as much as I miss you.

It won't be long until it's my turn to join you guys. A long time ago, I used to be afraid to die, but now, with so many loved ones gone before me, I don't see how I could possibly be scared.

With as much love as ever,

Padma

* * *

**Well, that should be the end of my first story, at least until I feel up to improving it. I would just like to take a quick moment to thank everyone who took the time to read this story. Having grown out of a whim, It was a little bit surprising to me that so many people would be interested in reading it. **

**If you have any suggestions on how to improve this story, feel free to PM me or leave a review. I'm always eager to try and improve, so don't be sacred of hurting my feelings. **

**Again, many thanks,**

**Gambitized**


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